My husband paid me a strange compliment yesterday. He
said: “I really enjoy your company – when you’re not being an asshole.”
I was perplexed, asking what kind of compliment that was
meant to be and he reassured me that this was his way of expressing how much he
loves me. I wondered what on earth I wasn’t getting but it has somehow started
to grow on me since.
Firstly, I like the honesty of the statement and I could
actually say the same to him. I really enjoy his company – when he is not being
an asshole.
Aren’t we all acting like assholes every now and then? No
one is perfect!
Secondly, he didn’t say “I love you - when you’re not
being an asshole”, which to me is a crucial point because if he had said that,
it would mean that he only loves me when I’m ‘a good girl’, and only really
embraces one side of me without all my shadow bits. But he didn’t say that, he
said that he doesn’t enjoy my company when I’m being an asshole and that’s fair
enough as I feel the same in return.
In our close relationships (and that includes our friendships),
I think it’s important to have the courage to be honest even when we fear that the
other person may not like what we’re about to tell them. It’s not always fun and
sometimes you find out things you’d rather not know but it creates a
connectedness and intimacy that is hard to experience if we only relate to each
other from our sunny side, the ‘good girl/good boy’ side. It’s also exhausting
to try and keep that up for any length of time.
I enjoy having relationships where I am told when I am
acting like an asshole and where I am free to do the same. I also enjoy having
relationships where I still feel loved, even when I am acting like an asshole
and I try to love in the same way.
Nothing is more loving than giving each other a reality
check when it’s needed.
So in the spirit of this, my friends, let me tell you: I
love you loads even when you are acting like assholes, so don’t get offended
next time I tell you you’re being one ;-)
It is easier to love someone with imperfections as you hope you will loved the same way in return.
ReplyDeleteEveryone has to be an asshole sometimes. I enjoy some of my friends' company even when they are assholes.
ReplyDeleteVery honest of you.
For this to work one needs reciprocation, and it is not always there.
ReplyDeleteCan't agree more! ;) Besos!
ReplyDeleteOld Egg, I don't think perfect people exist so you have no choice but to love someone with imperfections.
ReplyDeleteAltonian, I think people don't reciprocate when they aren't able to accept and love their own inner assholes ;-)
I love the fact that you enjoy some of your friend's company even when they are assholes, M.A.S. and thinking about it, yes, sometimes it can be fun ;-)
Cheers, Ottawa :-)
I think it comes down to ideals of perfection. When you expect something or someone to be perfect, they or it will never be able to live up to your expectations of them.
ReplyDeletethis is a good post...it cuts the crap and goes right to meat.. Your first paragraph is awesome. Zap, I'm awake. This is an honest statement. It is great that you and your husband can have that kind of honesty together.
ReplyDeleteThe thoughts that follows your first paragraph are inspiring (at least to me)..Excelent.
We all get testy now and then and to describe that as being "an asshole" is pure poetry.
"In our close relationships (and that includes our friendships), I think it’s important to have the courage to be honest."
ReplyDeleteAt times, yes. But surely there are times when it's best to just say nothing...
brilliant reflections, my problem is that I spend more time being annoying than not I think
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you John!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the positive feedback gsb. I'm glad you enjoyed it :-)
Berowne, maybe yes, maybe no. I guess we have to have some wisdom with the courage and choose our moments of honesty wisely. At the same time, someone who loves you and knows to be loved by you will forgive you if you choose the wrong moment and know that you are being honest because you love them.
Thanks, Emma. I'm sure you don't but if that's the case you need someone like M.A.S. who enjoys your company even when you're annoying :-)