Pachamama

I came to the Amazon to reconnect with nature or to get at least a tiny taste of that sense of oneness with ‘Mother Nature’ (or ‘Pachamama’ as they call her here) that I sense our guide and the people who live in the local villages have. Initially however, I experienced the opposite of what I was craving: a strong awareness of my own vulnerability in this strange and seemingly hostile environment and lots of fear.

Slowly however, I started to get used to my new environment, to being out in a little wooden canoe just above the water’s surface with our guide and to the murky water surrounding me everywhere.

The big shift happened the day I decided to overcome my fear of the dark water in order to make my dream of swimming with wild dolphins come true. After preparing myself mentally for days, I was ready when the time came. I took the leap of faith and jumped in. The water was lovely and warm. Nothing brushed my legs. Floating along comfortably on a small floatation cushion, I relaxed. The rain that has drenched us on the way there stopped, the sun came out and after a first rainbow that appeared right on the water’s surface, a second one appeared in the sky above me. When the dolphins started breaching only metres away from me, I looked up at the sky and all around me in awe and gratitude. I will never forget this moment.

When I went to bed that night, I cried tears of joy and I feel different ever since. It’s like I uncovered some hidden strength, as if my heart opened that bit wider to let the world around me in. It feels like I have finally really arrived here and am more able to enjoy the experience. I’m not saying that I am totally free from fear or apprehension because that’s not the case but I think I’m opening up and trusting more every day and I have more and more of these tiny glimpses I wished for, these moments when I am fully present without fear and breathing in tune with the vibrant, green energy of life that surrounds me.

Pachamama is out there waiting for me with open arms and I’m slowly edging my way towards her for the great big bear hug I have been hoping for.