Being human
is amazing as well as challenging. Blessed (and cursed) with minds that can
reminisce about the past and anticipate the future, we are a different kind of
animal. We have amazing mental capacities and imagination. In fact the
faculties or our minds are so amazing and open us up to so many different
possibilities that it can be confusing and scary to be so open and flexible,
which is why we crave certainty and stability so much. We want to make up our
minds about things. We don’t want to keep wondering all the time. We want to
know. Is it this or is it that? Is it black or white, good or bad?
As a
result, we become rigid in our thinking, rigid in our views and are constantly
looking for validation of our opinions. It’s like we put on these filtering
lenses that scan the world for evidence that backs up our theories rather than
allowing ourselves to objectively experience the world as it is, as it unfolds
each moment.
What we
believe really does become our reality and we stop using the very imagination
we have been endowed with because our limited and certain vision of the world
leaves no room for it. When it
comes to the image we have of ourselves, our identity, this need for certainty
is even stronger. We need to know who we are, what we stand for, what we
believe in. We feel vulnerable when we start to become unsure about that.
Earlier
this year I was backpacking in Central America and after a few months on the
road, I suddenly realised that my old identity had somewhat started to dissolve
and that I was actually not so sure anymore of who I was or even what I liked
and didn’t like. My identity as well as my preferences suddenly started to
become a much more fluid experience that was changing all the time rather than
something I could define in a neat little list. The truth I found was that
there wasn’t a truth or one set
answer but that the truth was in fact the very uncertainty and flexibility I
tried to get away from.
I’ve tried
to remain with that thought and hold on to it ever since. I’ve been trying to
accept uncertainty as a natural state of being and appreciate the flexibility
and possibilities it offers. After all, being in a constant state of wonder
doesn’t sound like that bad a place to be in, does it?
However, it’s a vulnerable
place to be in and sometimes a scary place and other people will still want to put you
in a box. They want to have that marketing style strap line about who you are. They want to be sure about who you are
even if you are comfortable with not being sure about it.
It used to
bother me in the beginning, especially because people tried to project their
discomfort with uncertainty on to me, they told me that I needed to know and be
sure, that there was something wrong with me for not being sure and for not wanting to be sure anymore.
What I
realised then however, was that people make up their minds about who you are
anyway, regardless of what you think or how much you try to convince them of
your truth.
And then I
realised something else: whatever they say or think about me is actually true.
It’s true because it exists as a possibility. In uncertainty there is room for
possibility. It is only when we make up our minds that possibilities narrow down to one chosen reality.
So I am
indeed all of what they think and say I am and I am also, all of what I see in
them. I am starting to see myself in all people and all people in me. In the realms of possibility we are not different at all. In the end, we are, in each moment, whatever
we choose to be. We are neither good nor bad people, we are just people making
choices each moment in time.
I guess the only thing that differentiates us, is
how aware we are of that fact and whether the choices we make are conditioned by our
narrow views or whether they are conscious decisions made within a field of infinite
possibilities.
